All hope is Lost

Today I took my driving test for the second time after failing my first test doing something completely stupid and dangerous from fear the examiner would shout at me. I started my first test with nerves but fully believing I could drive and God would help me. I retook it today feeling incredibly nervous, incredibly weak and preparing myself for the worst despite knowing that I can drive and that I have the ability to drive to. I literally begged God not to make me go through it again, to pass, to be successful. The impracticalities of being unable to drive are extreme where I live. Though public transport is available its awful and expensive. And to walk? Well it may be possible but it is exhausting and as a waitress on your feet all evening it isn’t wise either. It’s asking for trouble really.

This morning I failed my second driving test because I touched the kerb in my left reverse. I was and am heartbroken. The cost, the time, the increased difficulties and above all the fact I should be moving in just under a month and would be transportless!

In the UK, A Level results come out in a week and what if I failed those too.

To me, I have no hope, no faith, nothing left to give. It’s a broken heart. I believed God would come through and meet my need but he didn’t so now I’m stuck having to trust despite the difficulty that he’ll come through.

There’s nothing I can do.

Maybe thats the point.

To put me to the end of my tether.

But it makes me wonder…

What’s God’s plan?

Tim Hughes writes…

When pain surrounds I’ll call you healer when hope is lost I’ll call you savior
When silence falls you’ll be the song in my heart…

Maybe thats it?


~ by jemiluce on August 7, 2013.

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